Is This Forever? Understanding Emotional Inconsistency in Relationships

My partner was pushing me away with the parts of him that felt scared. A usual dynamic between the two of us. The night before, he’d be all over me, telling me I was the woman for him, and the next day he was cautious and distant. I could sense it instantly—how his internal world had shifted, how some part of him had stepped in to protect him. We’ve been together for years now, and I’ve learned to take these moments of emotional inconsistency as opportunities to turn inward rather than react outward.

Instead of getting caught up in his distance, I do a check-in with myself. I place my hand on my heart and listen to my inner dialogue. It takes me back to my own childhood, to the ways I had to guard myself against my mother’s emotional inconsistency. How much life energy I had spent holding that protective shield in place. The sadness of it hits me—how that disconnection has followed me into adulthood, how it shaped my ability to trust vulnerability.

Returning to my partner, I wonder: Is this the person I will be with forever? Or will someone else come along? How do we ever truly know? Do we commit to one person and decide to shut out all other possibilities? Or is love something that unfolds beyond our control?

Relationships take work. I know that much. But the deeper question isn’t just “Is this the right person?”—it’s “Is this the relationship I want to keep showing up for?” Because no matter who we choose, the work will always be there. The honeymoon phase fades, the chemicals settle, and we are left with the reality of love: that it is an ongoing process, not a destination.

Maybe the real mystery isn’t about finding the perfect person, but about recognizing the patterns that emerge in every relationship. The places where our wounds meet, where our fears rise, where our deepest longings get mirrored back to us. Maybe it’s not about certainty, but about the willingness to keep choosing—to keep showing up, to keep doing the work, to keep learning ourselves through the lens of another.

Counselling Psychotherapy Internal Family Systems Relationship Counselling Depression and Anxiety